Goddess Body Becomes Glass

I

Mortality devours my body as I descend

where once sky offered endless possibilities

a vista unhinged

all that remains is to

fall

gravity’s grasp relentless

pure authority

such forces that used to part like

river water to my mere fingernail

now dictate

conductor’s baton ripped from hazel limbs

creation once a chime from my sapphire tongue

is but a memory ever lingering

I fall into creation’s embrace now

here, a child neglected

here, a planet forsaken

scabs of desert rushing up

expanding like fresh wounds

jagged rock teeth eager to consume

there’s enough divinity left in me to survive the impact


II

I was once light and aether

body an auric wholeness

starshine teeth and nebula lips

biology is carnivorous

form consumed

crystalline skin once translucent

body once melodic in

ruby harmonics

emerald arpeggios

is now choked

surface opaque

myself shrouded

parasite processes tunnel underneath

staccato heartbeat usurps

cellular slush weeds forth

chandelier bones take shape

a corpse in animation


III

mortality is a virus

an infinite mirror sea of curses

body plots against me

such destruction is mercurial

such destruction is binary

this maleness plagues form

stubbles of hair bloom malignant

relentless upon once smooth skin

face cracks until angular, harsh

chest flattens, voice deepens

body alters beyond my control

I do not accept this reversal

I do not want this unblooming

only my words remain

only my tears remain

I shed them all until the desert

shimmers a stained-glass reflection of the sky above

my fingers dip into constellations that were once mine


IV

I walk through sunset and sunrise

before desert facades breaks

ahead the earth yawns open

a fissure scarred upon its surface

from the heavens a mere line

yet here it is a canyon mid gasp

below

a stripe of colours that go indefinitely deep

a cross section

the planet’s past selves exposed

history unsheathed

I imitate earth

fingernails dig into my own skin

hoping for history

searching for truefemmeself

and find nothing

but blood and bone


V

And yet I know it is elsewhere

if not within bone

then within soul

more ethereal

and yet always more

tangible

deeper

eternal

a stellar core adrift

and so I will search

 

Sam Jowett (they/them) is a queer, non-binary writer living in Toronto. They are known for haunting taco bars, frequenting discount cosmetic stores and trying to glam up all the little things in life. You can find their poems and stories in Room Magazine, Hypertrophic Magazine, Moonchild Magazine, and the occasional retro pinball machine. The poem above is the opening piece from their forthcoming Chapbook "Goddess Unbloomed," which can best be described as Paradise Lost meets Ru Paul's Drag Race, and will be published by Bone & Ink Press. You can follow them on Twitter @samuel_jowett.

Sam Jowett